I have seriously dawdled in creating content for my blog posts. In fact, I have dawdled in creating art too! For the past five years I was caught up in a job that put so many demands on my time that I couldn't quite get into the groove of creativity without substantial lapses in studio time.  Don't get me wrong I did paint and I did get into the studio, however, that time was minimal for someone trying to create a habit of painting daily. I was able to provide a couple galleries with work and produced copious smaller pieces that required minimal pressure of large amounts of time. It was something although for me it was not sufficient especially as my dream was to quit work and to make a living from my art.

Today, I am working as a full time artist! My dream realized! Life feels good and just and right. Now that's not to say it's all bliss and roses I have to work hard at achieving my goals there is no doubt. I am working long hours in the studio and bills are not less than before. What I wanted to impart in this blog is the mindset that I was allowing myself to get into while working this aforementioned job for a big unnamed organization. Nonetheless, this job was viewed as a means to an end. I planned on working there to pay bills and mostly to pay down my mortgage. A realistic goal in the eyes of many. One might think why yes that seems a reasonable thing to do because let's face it so many people are doing exactly this. Except my job did not allow time for friends, for family, for my farm chores or even for myself. It left me unfulfilled and empty. In the five years I have worked for this company it was a six day week and sometimes as many as 13 hours in one day! Then on my one day off a week I continued to facilitate an art class at my local art center because I didn't want to give that up on account of being overworked at the 'regular' job.  Within this organization I managed to get a job within the job where I was told I could work three hours a day!! Yippee! It sounded perfect for my needs. I could get up early, get in my three hours then return home to my farm and studio and create!!! Well, it sounded good but it wasn't reality. I was continually pulled in all directions making up for the lack of strong leadership and a perpetual short handedness of what I now see as an organization that is in dire need of restructure in order to survive! 

Anyway, regardless of my lack of time I signed up for an intensive educational program. A powerful concept within the program is to empower others to reach their goals or to realize their goals. Self mastery has always been high on my list of things to work on and I am consistently working on my own self perception and ideals. So, with this self work I could see that being 'stuck' in this job was created by me. My reptilian brain told me I need the money, the company needs me, I need to help my co workers get through this, what will they do without me, there are no jobs that pay as well close to home, I can't quit, how will I make the money I need? There are so many things I was telling myself. So many excuses of why I could not have what I really wanted. There are more excuses too...how can I sell art in a failing economy? Covid killed business, people are poor, it's easier to be a slave and go get a paycheck, what if I can't do this? Oh, I could probably spend an entire day with reptilian ideas of why I cannot have what I want. The thing is though is that we have one life to live. Are you making excuses? Can you step outside and view what your caveman is telling you? Are you prolonging your happiness?

I think it was November 2021 when I told myself I am leaving this organization in 2022. My mind kept jumping to 'you can't make enough money to survive' 'you need to work another 6 years to pay off the mortgage' 'you will DIE'. But, I could sense this unease growing within me, an unhappiness settling in. I got through the overburdened Christmas period and as January rolled in I saw new opportunity I saw it was within my power to follow my dreams and frankly, let's face it, no one else is gonna get me my dream job. So, as New Year provided new hope and new opportunities I simply handed in my notice. I won't lie, I was scared, but, I was also extremely excited to get on with what I had been postponing for five years! I quit that part of my life that I did not like and I will tell you I could not be happier. I'm tapping into my savings to survive and it could be a wee bit scary if I allow that mindset to creep in. All I need to remember is that my thoughts, my ideas and my self worth have a lot to do with empowering or disempowering me! And, I can tell you this...your ideas and your thoughts can do the same for you too! So, what's it gonna be self empowering thoughts and ideas or disempowering thoughts and ideas?? It's up to you!